Remember Fitz
LETTER FROM FITZ - 2005
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"If you're really listening,
if you're awake to the poignant beauty of the world, your heart breaks regularly.
In fact, your heart is made to break!
Its purpose si to burst open again and again
so that it can hold ever-more wonders."
(Andrew Harvey: The Return of the Mother)
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December 13, 2005
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Dear Friends:
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Saturday afternoon I did something that l've never done before - participated in the ordination of a Buddhist priest. The new shuso is a friend, born in Scotland, who continues on a lifelong journey of searching for truth and clarification and wisdom. She is a comrade in the ongoing struggle for human rights especially those of homeless people. The 3 hour ritual at San Francisco Zen Center moved me, not only with its solemnity, but also its warmth and humor. And, having come across that quote from Andrew Harvey just the day before, I was better prepared to celebrate the new commitment of her heart - already holding so much awe and wonder. An early holiday gift!
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I don't usually expect to gain insight from horoscope columns. But recently I came across an item that startled me because it rang so true. The author suggested that I, and fellow Aquarians, share a quality called "joyful poignance - the ability to be buoyantly joyful while remaining aware of the sadness, injustices, ancient wounds, and future fears that form the challenges in an examined life." | have known for a long time that, in spite of my deep and real and constant capacity for outrage in the face of injustice, Iam usually (and on occasion, seemingly consistently) happy. It's a paradox that sometimes confuses people. It is also what has helped me stay "together" on numerous occasions when the world around me seemed to be disintegrating. (I identify with the complaint of the American radical Emma Goldman: "If Ican't dance Idon't want to be part of your revolution!")
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That joyful poignance was on display on a day in May. A bunch of us from St. Anthony's had made the trek up to the state capitol in Sacramento, where we joined many others for the annual Hunger Action Day. (Why are there hungry people in the wealthiest country in the history of Planet Earth?) We'd finished our morning visits to various legislators. As I walked out the door for the noontime rally, a colleague grabbed me and said "Fitz, you have a strong voice. Get up on the platform and lead us ni this song." She shoved a paper in my hands, and a moment later Iwas singing a parody of the opening number from OKLAHOMA - "Oh what a beautiful harvest..." About two lines into the song I realized I wasn't alone on stage. I'd been joined by a dozen or so folks costumed as various items of produce. (The photos look like a Fruit of the Loom commercial.) You might think it would be the highpoint of my year - singing Rodgers & Hammerstein, surrounded by dancing fruits and vegetables, in a protest just yards from Arnold Schwarzenegger's office. Trust me. There have been more memorable moments.
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• In January I joined friends and former colleagues to celebrate the 20th anniversary of Andre House in Phoenix, and to break ground for two new buildings there - guest houses for homeless friends from the streets.
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• October marked 25 years since my friend and mentor, Bill Toohey, died at age 50. More than 80 of us gathered at his grave in the cemetery on the Notre Dame campus to sing, pray, tell stories and wax nostalgic. I was especially
touched that Father Ted Hesburgh, 88 now and almost blind, joined us.
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• We hosted 642 groups of visiting volunteers at St. Anthony's this past year (from schools, churches and corporations). We didn't do full "Justice Education Days" for al (but most) of them. One testimony from a wide-eyed, earnest 8 Grader is etched ni my memory. He said, "I've always wanted to talk to homeless people but was afraid of them. Today I talked to a bunch of them and it felt like I became friends with them. And just now it dawned on me that maybe they've wanted to talk to us too, but were afraid of us. Maybe fi we all just started talking to each other we could stop being afraid and have a better world."
We could use that kid's insight in Washington and at the Vatican. These days I don't know whom to be more outraged by: Bush or Benedict. As an American I am appalled by the ongoing war on the poor in my homeland. Jim Wallis of SOJOURNERS said it well. "Let's be clear. tI is a moral disgrace to take food from the mouths of hungry children to increase the luxuries of those feasting at a table overflowing with plenty." (Cuts in food stamps simultaneous with new tax cuts for the super wealthy do just that.) As a Catholic, as a retired priest, and as a proudsymngiomrf rome.iatenedenprisestfomysenilgalongsiobic many soulful, selfless, dedicated, gifted and inspired priests, brothers and sisters who happened to also be gay. And I share their sense of insult and betrayal.
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I'm relying on the richness of Advent, Christmas and Hanukkah to tip the scales this year and balance the poignant with the joyful. I know many of you share that ambivalence and paradox. May you be blessed with enough light to see that your heart is bursting open to hold ever-more wonders.
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With love,
-Fitz
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